It was a long summer as my mother took a fast turn for the worse with her health. Dementia is a beast. And the type of dementia my mother had progressed quickly. She went from being able to walk and communicate to being in a wheel chair and unable to get even the simplest of words out. She died mid-October right before the Jewish Holiday of Sukkoth. We had a graveside funeral during the middle of Sukkoth. It was beautiful. All six grandchildren and their partners were present. We all miss her but it is also a relief to know she is no longer suffering.
October and November were a whirlwind of family, friends and the usual time invested in the CSA in Lincoln. And then there was the Election and the grief around the Middle East and the grief associated with the climate emergency. I feel like my emotional jar is overflowing with Joy (from the grand babies), Stress (from everyone’s work situation), Anger (over the state of the world and politics and genocide) and sadness (when I think about nature and climate and all the suffering).
On the day after the election I was doing CSA distribution. One by one members arrived to pick up their produce with shock, despair and sadness on their faces. Some wanted to talk about it, others did not. When I got relieved from my post I went down to the fields. I had an ulterior motive when I headed down as I was hoping to find the head farmer to see about getting some sweet potatoes as I had forgotten them the previous week. But I also needed the walk. And imagine my joy and surprise to show up and see an Anselm Keifer painting come to life. The sunflowers captured the mood that day perfectly, but they also provided me with material to take home to use in my own work. I collected a bunch of dried flowers thinking they would be just what I need artistically moving forward.
One benefit of not celebrating Christmas is that now I have time and space to focus on “me time”. I am only babysitting my daughter’s youngest one day a week. I have started up the Peer Support Group again and I am happy it is still going strong. It excites me each week to see what everyone is posting and how they are evolving as artists. It is also motivation for me to produce my own work and because I trust everyone in the group so well and they know me I am comfortable knowing that I might not be making masterpieces but what is important is that I AM MAKING!!!
I have had to give myself grace and allow myself to just create and play. I started by making these square watercolors with some handmade watercolors I had from India. Just having fun putting color and water on paper and pushing it around.
When I am stressed (which I am these days for a variety of reasons) I tend to fold Origami. I took some of the my failed Origami and started to draw it.
And finally I felt ready to handle something bigger. And I cut a large sheet of Canson Drawing paper and placed my still life on the floor and forced myself to work big despite the arrival of our son’s dog for the next six weeks. And I am so glad I did. I don’t know yet where this idea will take me but I am engaged and pleased with the outcome. Hopefully more to come. It is big for me 36” wide and 20” tall!!!
